Don’t worry, there’s some Santana Champ in the back of the fridge I saved for you.

I know! It is so crisp!

For my straight dude readers – I triple dog dare you to say the following to another straight dude today:

Dude, New Hampshire finally passed gay marriage. Sweet, yeah?

If you don’t, you hate gay people.

I’m being serious.  Tell me who you told.

The New Hampshire legislature passed a gay marriage bill yesterday, and it’s going to Gov. Lynch’s desk once it re-passes the House with some unneccessary but welcome amended language to be double triple dog sure that religious groups don’t have to marry dudes, cuz yuck.  

New England’s got a flu! And the only prescription is more marriage redefinin’!

After my last post about Carrie Prejean, I made a conscious decision to never post about her again, allowing her to fade out of the public’s consciousness, making one last stop in the first segment of VH1’s “Top 200 Unnecessary and Overblown Pseudo-Celebrity Feuds of 2009” before fading into oblivion.

But then this post from Dan Savage made me rethink my promise to myself. She hangs out with trannies that sing hooks to songs about cumshots, her sister isn’t a gay-rights activist, and the Miss USA pageant paid for her fake boobs.

Get a hold of yourself, Steve.  You can make it through this. These are distracting, inconsequential, superficial inanities.

I had hope for this poor soul, that she would be graceful and rise above Perez Hilton’s attention-seeking.

Wrong.  I guess you can never trust brainwashed know-nothings not to slip into tragic self parody:

More news from co-NOM troll Jeremy Hooper at Good As You: Miss Prejean is filming an anti-gay marriage ad for NOM, the organization you may remember from my favorite thing ever.

It’s on. I’m a strong feminist, which means I have no problem punching girls in the face.  Digitally. With words. And not fists.

Listen, Carrie. Here’s some unsolicited advice. You know you made a goof.  You said something on television that you had to end with the phrase “no offense”, and we all know what that means.  You’ve probably never had to explain your views on homosexuality before, much less to a provocateur like Hilton, and it was obvious that you were uncomfortable with what you were saying as you were even saying it.  It’s okay to admit that.  A statement like “Wow, I’ve never previously been forced to realize that snippets of my preacher’s sermons I’ve never thought about and just knee-jerk repeated actually denied the humanity of the probably thousands of queers I know that have tinted, spray-tanned, porcelained, weavified, manicured, and coached me to where I am now, not to mention the hundreds more that have designed everything I’ve ever worn on stage  and hosted the pageants I’ve been in for my whole life.  Totes sorry, let’s get cocktails, ya’ll!” would suffice. 

Okay, so I’m dreaming. What actually is going to happen is that you are going to portray the expression of hurt feelings (e.g. this post) that are resulting of your speaking tour and anti-gay ad, whose message is “I’ll let a fag do my hair as long as he knows that I am going to continue stomping around the country telling people that he is a horrific abomination that will burn in hell, no offense” as you being oppressed. And no one will be surprised when this happens.

For the record, I’m not pro-censorship.  I want Carrie to do what she’s going to do. Her new ad will probably be as good as NOM’s first one, which means it will be awesome at not convincing anyone, as well as be a delicious fresh canvas for all of those ubertalented YouTube parodists out there. And will probably give me at least one more post on the matter.

Aaaaand to cool my self-righteous outrage, let’s listen together to Carrie’s friend in the picture above, Miss Lapore, singing the hook of this incredible song about gay facials:

(For the record, Amanda Lepore and Carrie Prejean are not actually friends)