I have an LG Dare, and it works pretty well for me.  Please let me know if there are any technical difficulties because I’m using a third-party plugin for this.

Update: Something came up, and I didn’t get to make it up to NH.  So go ahead and not only disregard this post but my entire existence for violating your trust so. PS the bill passed the Senate.

1. Men’s Wearhouse
2. “Trust Sleepyyyyyyyyyy’s… for the rest of your life”

I should go cry myself to death now.

h/t Matt Naz for #1

This Friday and Saturday I’m gunna be in this hilarious play called The Brothers Grimm Spectaculathon with The F.U.D.G.E. Theatre Company.  You know The Complete Works of Shakespeare Abridged? It’s not that. But it’s quite similar indeed.  TBGS is a play in which 5 actors perform all 209 works of the Brothers Grimm in approximately 100 minutes. It has everything you could possibly want in a play: high energy, 50 lulz per minute, sexual innuendos, violence, blood, death, people getting cut open with scissors, cross-dressing, 4th wall breaking, puns, guns, and fart jokes.

DO IT.

Here’s the deetz:

• Friday and Saturday, May 8+9, 8 pm
• The [brand-spanking news] Next Door Theater, 40 Cross St, Winchester MA – 14 minute drive from Tufts
• Get tickets here.

I can’t believe it’s been a decade. That’s forever. 

Spongebob turning 10 makes a lot of things make sense to me.  I understand why relatives you never see always say “I can’t believe how big you’ve gotten!” Also, my dad’s reaction to any new technology, specifically Google Street View, which is “Unbelievable! I can’t believe it! Unbelievable. Can you believe this? Unfableekableevable.”

So, sorry to relatives and Pops for my sarcastic reactions in these instances.  I had no experience up until this revelation that Spongebob was turning 10 that enabled me to sympathize with your feelings. Spongebob turning 10 is a thing that I will constantly bring up all the time like an annoying person that brings the same thing up all the time. It’s fine.

But yeah.  Check out this awesome blog that my friend Meghan found that made me remember that Spongebob is 10 years old.  The link to that blog is the actual substance of this post.

God, I can’t believe Spongebob is 10.

I was on my way to Murder Mystery Dinner Theatre! the other day and I was having flashbacks of that masochistic craving.  I stumbled upon this gem of a situation recently, so the correct course of action was obvious: The McGangbang must be experienced. 

A McGangbang is a Dollar Menu Remix: McChicken inserted in between the beef patties of a McDouble, such that the structure from top to bottom is bun beef bun chicken bun beef bun.

Strangely enough, the girl manning the drive-thru was unfamiliar with the sandwich. 

“I’d like one McGangbang please.”

“I’m sorry?” “A McGangbang.”

“Um.”

Audible sigh from me. “I’ll have a McDouble and a McChicken please.”

“Is that all?”

“Indeed, thank you.”

“$2.16, please drive up.”

WAIT. I could make this infinitely more awesome WITH RANCH DRESSING! I think as I’m handing the 20ish year old girl working there my money and explaining to her how to assemble a McGangbang.  Nice.  What is the only logical thing to call a McGangbang with ranch dressing?  Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the McBukkake.  (Editor’s note: if you don’t know what that is, you probably don’t want to look it up. You’ve been warned.) Here’s a couple of pictures of the sitch I snapped with my phone.

I also took the liberty of diagramming it out:

As for the taste, it tastes much as you would assume it would.  A generic surge of lipids and simple carbohydrates, pillae-shriveling quantities of salt, with strong notes of synthesized preservatives.  But you feel like a damn champion after finishing it. And a little out of breath.

Here’s the boxscore of the McBukkake-Steve’s body Death Match, estimated using McDonald’s horrifying feature designed so one can “Create a meal that fits into your balanced, active lifestyle”:

• Total calories: 920
• Calories from fat: 450
• Total Fat: 50 g (77% DV)
• Saturated fat: 14 g (70% DV)
• Trans fat: 1.5 g
• Cholesterol: 115 mg (39% DV)
• Sodium: 2280 mg (95% DV)
• Carbohydrates: 82 g
• Sugars: 15 g
• Vitamin C: 2 mg (4% DV)

Ugh.  I’m off to do some crunches now.

So serendipitous that she had her camera in her purse.

Update.  I don’t know what the internet is.  I didn’t click the link.  Here’s what he was talking about:

I am so lucky that closeted gays are indistinguishable from huge nerds. 

(PEWIG will be a recurring series of posts, because:

1) it’s funny to think about gay babies.

(If you have personal PEWIGs, send them to dyerstraightsgetit@gmail.com, and I’ll put it up if it’s good.  Your ticket to internet stardom.)

PPS I will defend until death that Billy is the gayest Power Ranger, despite contrary evidence. Link sort of NSFW.

PPPS It’s pronounced PYOO-ig

Materials:

• 6 rolls of tin foil x 75 ft = 450 ft
• 10 man hours -
  • 4 from me
  • 2 from Nate Haduch
  • 2 from Jill Ovsiew
  • 2 from Jen Luft
• 2 more rolls of Costco-sized tin foil that we stole from Chris at the end: 2 x 250 ft = 500 ft
• Total tin foil used  ≈ 950 ft

Here’s a little vid of the ackshun!

Additionally, enjoy these pictures of the aftermath (I recommend fullscreen mode so you can see the captions of what the stuff is):

Of course, no prank would be complete without a hidden camera to record the reaction, 2 girls 1 cup style.

(Update: flickr embedded, that other horrible whateveritwas removed.)