Please reconsider all previous criticisms and skepticism of people who find images of God in toast and Cheetos, because today, I found God in my facebook newsfeed. If I can use “God” as a placeholder for “extreme coincidence”.  Poetic license, people.

I hope you have read this post, a.k.a. my last post, a.k.a. the post in which I chronicled an evening in which an older couple engaged in some impromptu manual exercises in the middle of a crowded bar, a.k.a. handjobs.  This post is a sequel to that post.

You may remember that Naughty Nelly told me that she and Robert met at a gay bar, “well not so much a gay bar. It’s more of a whorehouse.”  TURNS OUT! Nelly may not have been as a reliable source as I originally may have intuited!  I have a friend who is a talented photographer (check him out) who just so happened to be on assignment for a photography project.  The place in which he was on assignment was Jacque’s, which is a drag bar in Boston.  That is where Robert and Nelly met, because they were spotted together! Not a whorehouse at all!  I feel so betrayed.  Photographer friend sent me this shot:

This is Robert and Nelly dancing together at the drag bar almost exactly one hour before I encountered them. The song being performed at this time was “I Will Survive”. Unfortunately, the performer on stage at this time was the only one that did not agree to be photographed by my friend, so I can’t provide any more detail or context about their now-fabled meeting. (Video, for possible illustrative purposes only). For the record, Jacque’s has the following policy listed on the homepage of their website:

We sincerely ask that you please remain seated throughout the performance for the enjoyment of all our customers and out of respect for the entertainers who work so hard for you. Thank you.

Speaking with my friend, we have been able to forensically synthesize an accurate timeline of their evening based on timestamps of photos and text messages.

• 11:45 pm – This picture is taken. 
• 12:04 am – Robert and Nelly leave Jacque’s drag bar and do the nasty on the patio of an unknown restaurant. Please do not share photographic evidence supporting that second part if anyone happens to have any, I’ve had enough coincidences about this thank you very much.
• 12:57 am – They’re in the bar I’m in, doing yuck yuck things I’ve previously mentioned.
• 1:10 am- They retire to Robert’s hotel room.
• 1:54 am  – Nelly comes back to the bar, she and I chat.
• 2:01 am – Robert comes to collect Nelly, the bar closes, I go home and have nightmares for the rest of the week.

So like, there’s nothing exceedingly exciting or newsworthy, other than the extreme coincidence that I was not the only person I know to encounter Nelly and Robert that fateful evening.  Although I think I’m pretty much done with my recent luck of coincidentally finding people having sex in public for trues, people.

See how the genitals make use of the gap.

One of them needs to release a new album, and the other one needs to go back to throwing touchdowns like I watch The View (so frequently it’s unhealthy).  Because I miss them both being relevant so much.

[Background here and here]

Yo quaids, check out this enjoyable ad I encountered today in Harvard Square.   A company owned by two gay dudes (I can only assume) with an ad with a good gay joke.  And the ad agency included the word “fudge” in this gay ad, which is for a food product might I remind you I think you get my point. How shameless and ballsy. One can only hope that the slippery slope argument is in fact valid and marriage will one day be defined as between one fatass and one dessert commonly associated with sadness.

It was even more tickly because our white/brown quaids did markedly better than the Asian quaids, who consistently did no better than chance.

AllLookSame has nothing on this site that loyal, nay, obsessive reader Ty sent my way in terms of making one feel over-privileged, racist, classist, mental handicapist, judgmental, bigoted, misogynistic, and delightful.

At PickThePerp.com, you are presented with 5 random mugshots and the name of a crime (did you know what “utter forged instrument” was?), and you have to match the mugshot to the crime.  I highly recommend you play. When was the last time you really sat down and thought about what kind of person actually gets arrested for flashing, or what a person who misses their court date looks like? Pre-reading book judging is fun, and Malcolm Gladwell is so right.

Here’s my score.  I did 50% better than chance.  I feel so conflicted about this because I’m pretty sure that’s a good score, but I’m also pretty sure that I’m the most racist guy ever.

If you play, post your score in the comments, you racist, classist, terrible quaids.

As I was discovering today that funny videos about dumb children got taken down by their owner, presumably because using and exploiting children to peddle intolerance is probably illegal, I was also learning how to cook mustard-roasted whitefish with dill fingerling potatoes. I made the most distressing observation: Maggie Gallagher looks just like Ina Garten aka The Barefoot Contessa. Examine the evidence and then tell me I’m right in the poll.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

For the record, there is no evidence Ina isn’t down with the gays.

[images via here and here]

Bonus! Check out Maggie on CNN talking about gay marriage and the Prop 8 decision, generally acting a fool, being all “Gay people should be able to live as they choose” and then being all “I’m the president of an organization that is working in all 50 states to keep that from happening.”

But at least her hair is in a cute little bob, looking way better than the picture I used. 

I’m a misogynist for commenting on her appearance.

(Pro tip: everything they say is wrong)

It’s nothing more than a summertime Snuggie. What a half-assed effort. No one’s going to want to go on ironic pub crawls in this thing. I might as well make a t-shirt with three wolves and a sun, or a filet knife that can only filet a filet once, or a chamois that is only recommended for use in the home, car, and boat, but not the RV.  It’s just not the same. Give me a spokesman that has dedicated his career to suing Scientology and maybe we’ll talk.

But for their credit, they did manage to squeeze some sex appeal into this Decepticon of a MuuMuu, what with the discrete upskirt shots, toned, waxed pecs and double-take-inducing near-nipslip in the first 6 seconds of the ad.  Flesh-colored strapless bra? Touché, Wearable Towel marketers.

Here’s the Wearable Towel website. But don’t get too excited – apparently the makers of the Wearable Towel are stuck in 1995, and there doesn’t seem to be a way to acquire one in less than 2 months.  Maybe they’re shipping them directly from Bhutan?  What the heck kind of respectable business thinks it’s a good idea to make people wait 8 weeks to receive their impulse buys?  I’m so over you, Wearable Towel. 

Okay, fine. I might sort of want to buy one.  Sort of.

[photo source]

h/t Jamie

We were putting up shingles, people. Calm down! It’s just a homonym.

In other news, the California Supreme Court is going to rule today on Proposition 8; specifically, the constitutionality of Prop 8, which was a constitutional amendment.  It’s kind of a big dea, no offense to Sotomayor, but stop stealing our limelight. I will not be surprised if they rule that a part of the Constitution is constitutional. It will make me sad for the left coast gays because they will not get to get gay married.

I’ll be on the road back to Boston when they make the decision, so in case it’s bad, here’s a funny clip of a Quaid who is not a quaid and a lady whose marriage might get invalidated:

]]> http://www.dyerstraightsgetit.com/2009/05/did-you-have-a-nice-memorial-day-weekend/feed/ 0 http://www.dyerstraightsgetit.com/2009/05/have-you-ever-wondered-how-two-dudes-do-it/ http://www.dyerstraightsgetit.com/2009/05/have-you-ever-wondered-how-two-dudes-do-it/#comments Fri, 15 May 2009 20:17:09 +0000 Steve http://www.dyerstraightsgetit.com/?p=493 Here’s a completely SFW instructional video.  It’s exactly like this in humans, too.