On Monday, because of and despite power tools right outside my window at 7:30, I woke up in a happytastical mood.  Not only did Alice Ripley get her Tony like the crazy bitty she is, but it was also beach day! The first beach day of the year, no less!

Being the new media douchebag I am, the first thing I do in the morning is check facebook on my phone before even lifting my head from the pillow. This is the update at the top of my newsfeed from a friend from high school, who, I might add, is a completely lovely and loving and understanding person:

Found out last minute when we were already in the Orlando area that it was gay weekend at Disney… ugh. We didn’t go. Can’t bring two little girls into that environment! I was so disappointed. We will try this again this weekend.

Good morning to me!

Admittedly, I am a child sometimes. I get offended easily and often jump to conclusions. But! This was upsetting to me. This is the type of comment that I can almost always allow to pass when I see them said by politicians or preachers or traditional marriage advocates, but there is something about hearing it said by someone that you know and respect that is particularly jarring.  To be quite honest, it was in my head and bothering me for the entire day, despite my best efforts to consciously remove it.

Several other people also commented that they found it offensive or surprising, one of whom brought up the point that most of the performers at Disney are gay (not necessarily persuasive, but it’s context later).  Also, since I was not intimately familiar with Pride Weekend at Disney, from what I can tell from the website, Gay Days at Disney is a particular day at the Disney theme parks, not sponsored by Disney, when gay people go to the parks wearing red to increase the LGBT community’s visibility and prove that we can be just as obese and white trashy as the average Disney theme park visitor I guess?

The poster continues on after reading several of the dissenting and supportive comments:

Holy moly! Good thing there is a such thing called freedom of speech in this world! Didn’t mean to offend anyone, but I will not take two little girls for the first time to Disney to have a memory of what it shouldn’t be… You know if Disney is giving the title of “gay and lesbian weekend”, people are going to be wayyy more obvious with it than not… I know I am not the only person to think this either!! I do not want to have to explain to two little girls why those two guys are making out and why those two girls are holding hands… why should I? We all know it’s not the “norm”, but if that’s what you choose, fine. Be happy. Live your life. And it is so different to be dressed up and gay, kids obviously don’t know if the guy is gay in costume; they think of him as Mickey or Cinderella as her or whoever as they look!! Duh. So get over yourselves. Thanks.

I don’t bring this up to ridicule or even criticize the person that posted this, and I do not intend to attach an identity to the person who wrote this.  I just wish to use it as an example of something that is homophobic but can still be said without any cognitive dissonance or hypocrisy by someone who has gay friends and supports gay marriage and gay legal rights in general, which is even more frustrating to people like myself who care more about what people think about me before they know me.

Things mentioned explicitly:

• Children should not be brought to locations with higher-than-average numbers of gay people
• Large numbers of gay people in an area cause disappointment
• Freedom of speech justifies offending people
• Having gay people around will make children like things less
• Parents should not have to explain to their children what being gay means
• Being gay is a choice

Things that were strongly implied and can be left up for interpretation:

• Being gay is gross (“…gay weekend at Disney…ugh”)
• Gay people should not be allowed at Disney theme parks
• Gay people should not be allowed near children
• Gay people will express affection in unoppressive environments, and this is unacceptable
• I take solace in the fact that the majority of people are made uncomfortable by gay people
• Being gay is not normal
• It’s only okay for gay people to be gay if they hide it.

I take issue and offense with every single one of these points. Except for the freedom of speech one – I think that people should be able to be offensive, i.e. speak their minds.  I think it’s great when people are allowed to fully express anti-gay points of view; further, I think that people that hold anti-gay points of view should be encouraged to express them, especially in a public forum.

I could go through each point and talk about why each one is wrong, but instead, I’ll just post this picture of straight people who were pretty much doing the nasty in a car in a parking lot directly next to and in plain sight of the highly trafficked boardwalk in Newburyport, at approximately the same time the follow-up comment was logged, no less (I do not want to have to explain to two little girls why those two guys are making out and why those two girls are holding hands… why should I?).

For the record, I counted no fewer than 6 strollers passing this point in the 10 minutes my friends and I finished our ice creams and watched in amazement at the brazen disregard for public decency of this couple.

It was even more tickly because our white/brown quaids did markedly better than the Asian quaids, who consistently did no better than chance.

AllLookSame has nothing on this site that loyal, nay, obsessive reader Ty sent my way in terms of making one feel over-privileged, racist, classist, mental handicapist, judgmental, bigoted, misogynistic, and delightful.

At PickThePerp.com, you are presented with 5 random mugshots and the name of a crime (did you know what “utter forged instrument” was?), and you have to match the mugshot to the crime.  I highly recommend you play. When was the last time you really sat down and thought about what kind of person actually gets arrested for flashing, or what a person who misses their court date looks like? Pre-reading book judging is fun, and Malcolm Gladwell is so right.

Here’s my score.  I did 50% better than chance.  I feel so conflicted about this because I’m pretty sure that’s a good score, but I’m also pretty sure that I’m the most racist guy ever.

If you play, post your score in the comments, you racist, classist, terrible quaids.

(Pro tip: everything they say is wrong)

It’s nothing more than a summertime Snuggie. What a half-assed effort. No one’s going to want to go on ironic pub crawls in this thing. I might as well make a t-shirt with three wolves and a sun, or a filet knife that can only filet a filet once, or a chamois that is only recommended for use in the home, car, and boat, but not the RV.  It’s just not the same. Give me a spokesman that has dedicated his career to suing Scientology and maybe we’ll talk.

But for their credit, they did manage to squeeze some sex appeal into this Decepticon of a MuuMuu, what with the discrete upskirt shots, toned, waxed pecs and double-take-inducing near-nipslip in the first 6 seconds of the ad.  Flesh-colored strapless bra? Touché, Wearable Towel marketers.

Here’s the Wearable Towel website. But don’t get too excited – apparently the makers of the Wearable Towel are stuck in 1995, and there doesn’t seem to be a way to acquire one in less than 2 months.  Maybe they’re shipping them directly from Bhutan?  What the heck kind of respectable business thinks it’s a good idea to make people wait 8 weeks to receive their impulse buys?  I’m so over you, Wearable Towel. 

Okay, fine. I might sort of want to buy one.  Sort of.

[photo source]

h/t Jamie

The biggest theme of the press conference was that she has been manipulated by other organizations, namely NOM and Maggie Gallagher, for whom they especially harsh words, accusing Maggie of manipulating Carrie for personal gain, since Maggie pockets about a third of NOM’s funds raised.  This story is never not bringin’ the dramz!  The pageant officials seemed willing to forgive her for the resulting controversy and breach of contract if she would agree to fulfill her contractual obligations going forward, i.e. stop hanging out with that Maggie right now young lady because she’s a bad influence and we know what’s best for you girl, shoot.

Donald Trump, head of the Miss Universe organization, will make his decision on whether or not to revoke her title tomorrow.

But yeah, Carrie sadly seems pretty manipulated.  Here’s a video, posted by a fan on her Facebook page, of her talking to her pastor, Miles McPherson, about the very first interviews she did.  Watch it and try and convince me that the opinions she expressed were hers alone and not just stuff her pastor told her to say. Especially since Carrie subsequently hired an evangelical PR firm recommended to her by McPherson.

Update: Go here to see the best snippet of the interview where they really tear into NOM.

[Via G-A-Y]

2) Here is a website dedicated to illustrating the importance that all children have straight parents, giving them the special guidance and influence that only straight people can and should give children.

[Via whythefuckdoyouhaveakid]

Robby Ramdin: i’m rocking out with kleenexes in my armpits

Robby Ramdin: thought you would enjoy that

I’m friends with the National Organization of Marriage (the makers of this ad and general anti-gay rabble rousers) on Facebook,  and every time they post something, which is usually something like “call your state senator’s unpaid intern and demand they provide umbrellas to all constituents for the gay sturm” or “let’s hear it for this dude that curb stomped 5 queers, but compassionately, like Christ would do”, I leave an inflammatory comment and my blog address.  At first, it was just a way to self-promote, but it is surprisingly fun. 

But I fear it might be like, a cocaine fun, not, say, a swingset fun, or a volunteer-at-a-children’s-hospital fun.  As in unhealthy, destructive,  borderline immoral, and addictive, but also sometimes resulting in “Back to Black”.

I think of it as a game and a challenge.  I try to make my inflammatory comment from the perspective of a gay marriage opponent, and then see if anyone can figure out (or rather, if anyone can’t figure out) that I’m just mocking them like an asshole.

Example (posted under an invitation to a anti-gay marriage rally in DC):

Me: Same sex marriage in Iowa caused swine flu! If DC doesn’t preservate opposite marriage, what’s next!? ZOMBIE FLU?!?1?
http://www.dyerstraightsgetit.com

This comment is immature, snide, condescending, sophomoric, and warrants no attention.  (Although I do want to call your attention to this statement from a person that got elected once.)

Yet:

Ellen: Steve – Silly comments and outrageous claims diminish the cause.

and

Sherrie: Be careful of what motives you presume to ascribe to God whose property is always to have mercy, Steve. His ways are far above our ways. By the way, it’s PRESERVE.

Both of these replies are also ambiguous as to which side of the fight they are on, although I suspect Sherrie is pro-gay marriage and Ellen is contra. I don’t think it matters one way or the other, since they both thought I was being serious.

The comment threads get pretty ridiculous, since it’s probably 50:50 [people for gay marriage that loved their Gathering Storm ad] : [people who agree with this organization].  Each side vehemently hates the other, yet everyone unsuccessfully tries to come off  as “respectful of the other side’s view”, as well as tries to be successfully persuasive.

Now, this trolling is enjoyable to me as a game and a cathartic way to release some anger against total strangers, and I don’t suspect I’ll a single person’s mind, but my question is this: Is outright mockery a useful tool of persuasion in a general sense?

I offer two examples. First, Stephen Colbert’s incredible slaying at the Press Correspondent’s dinner in 2006, as well as his show and existence.  You may have seen this article about the study showing that conservatives that watch his show don’t know that he’s kidding.

Second, Dan Savage’s ruining of ex-Senator Rick Santorum’s life. The background is that Rick Santorum was a pretty vicious opponent of gay rights, so Savage defined a yucky sex act result after Santorum in retaliation. 

I love both of these events as theater, and I’d say that I support the spread of santorum while acknowledging the moral grayness of it. They’re also not really anything more than really skilled trolling.

There are several things that pull me in different directions.  I want to successfully persuade people to not be homophobes.  I want to express the frustration I feel at the reality that gays need to persuade others that in a neutral state, we are moral beings. I also want to get pageviews.  I think I can do the first two or the second two, but not all three.

Just kidding. I’m fine.  I just wanted an excuse to link to that hilarious Daily article.

You look just like Josh Hartnett.

You talk with a Kiwi accent, which is 12% better than an Aussie one. And you waved me over.

Your shorts are misleading. Once again, the eternal quandry of “gay or international” at Tufts (and in real life for that matter) is proved to be unanswerable. 

Whatever I’m over it.  Here’s the blog post I said I would post.  Hope you enjoyed Luda half as much as I did, which would literally amount to 2 or 3 bruises and/or contusions.

For the record, I am anti-torture.

Via Sullivan

Marathon watching is officially and literally my new favorite spectator sport. I screamed my face off for like 3 hours while drinking beer outside and caused parents to relocate their children far from me.  BUT!  I did persuade at least 15 people that were walking like wusses to man the eff up and start running again as they passed me.  So I basically ran the marathon. 

So yeah, congrats to Harsha, Steven, Adam, Corey, Alex, Chris, Peter, Christina, Ryan and anyone else that did it but I didn’t see because I was refilling.

In unrelated news, I’ve put on about ten pounds since graduation.