Whew.  I’m so tired from these past 5 days of constant winning, democracy, checking, and balancing.  On Friday, Iowa’s Supreme Court  issued 69 pages of superawesomepwnáge.  In 69 pages, the three points they made were:

1. Gays are gay.
2. Post-menopausal women are allowed to get married.
3. The bible is not in the Constitution, strangely enough.

Gays can marry, QED.

Reading it made me think of a conbeersation my friend Robby had while enjoying Sam Summers last week.  I was expressing my frustration that I love to use ‘gay’ derogatorily.  It completely suits my needs and succinctly gets my point across, e.g. “No, Knowing looks wicked gay.  Let’s go see Milk again instead. (get it)”.  Robby was all like, “using that word that way is intellectually lazy.  You’re wicked smart and know all of the words in the English language, so use some of those.  It’s more effective.”

Sorry Robby, I’m not gunna do that.  From now on, when I use ‘gay’, it’s just shorthand for ‘The Recent Iowa Supreme Court Gay Marriage Ruling’ and the type of linguistic laser cutting that is found on page 41, item 3. Because we just don’t have time in conversation for anyone to go through all of that.

Also, this does give regular people to continue to use ‘gay’ this way.  (But seriously, you should check it out.)

THEN! Vermont! More checking and balancing! I could basically smell Pete gloating about how sweet VT is for being the first state doing it democratically legislatively.  Especially since the representative from his hometown was one of the 3 reps to switch votes to get the override. Ugh, it was so dramatic!  Bill passing, veto threats, vetoes, more bill passing, HOLY IT PASSED BY ONE VOTE WOOOOO. Cut to old people and tears, throw a rainbow into that to prove we’re serious about this, graphics department!

Okay, I’ll admit it was pretty sweet, but only so I could say na na na foo foo to the ‘activist judge’ crowd. But let’s not forget that California’s legislature has passed it twice, only to be vetoed by this guy:

And then! More! After all this gay orgying (but like, a civic orgy. A lot of people are just really enjoying the civic and democratic process to pass gay rights in all of the ways possible. Okay, it’s an unnecessary and forced metaphor. Let’s just get away from this paranthetical aside and back to the sentence.) of checking and balancing and democracy, D.C. just had to pile on (sorry again), with their city council voting to recognize other gay marriages, which is like Shaw’s accepting competitor’s bogo coupons.  Of course, since it’s gay, there’s tons of Dramz.  Since Congress is D.C.’s mom, she sets the rules in this house, mister.  Meaning prepare for an intensification of the battle for D.C. sovereignty and whatever you’re not the boss of me yes I am I carried you for 300 years.

So what’s my point? I’m feeling cocky, because it’s basically all over.  The gay marriage map is going to go from this to this lickety quick.  How do I know this?  Because America is going to have its first gay superstar.  That was out the from the beginning.  Sure, there are tons of gay stars, notably Ellen Degeneres, Elton John, NPH, that dude from Grey’s, but not a single one has come out before they were famous.  Adam Lambert got a standing ovation from Simon Cowell.  It’s all over, ya’ll. Check out this clip and try and tell me I’m wrong.  Also, the introduction is PEWIG #2.

(source)